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Friends
Behavior Bachelor Party Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party or bar hopping, in doing so, surrenders any right to life, and lives further only at the mercy of other Men. Birthday No man shall be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. However, should a man choose to buy a birthday present for another man, it does not affect his manliness positively or negatively. Blood Brother A man may come across someone in their life, a fellow man, with whom they share a sense of loyalty, commitment, and similar taste. This man may come to be one's "Blood Brother," with whom it is known that you will share any secret, any hardship, and every jail cell (see Han Solo/Chewbacca and/or Jay/Silent Bob). Flying Low If a man's fly is down, that's his problem. You didn't see anything. Foreign Facial Matter (FFM) If a man has something on his face, such as a hair, food, dirt, or beer foam, a man is not obligated to warn him about it, unless the man whose face is contaminated with the FFM is about to approach a woman in an attempt to have sex with her and the presence of the FFM may cause said man not to get laid, in which case a man really should point out the FFM. UNDER ABSOLUTELY NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS A MAN TO WIPE THE FOREIGN MATERIAL OFF THE OTHER MAN'S FACE. On a related law, a man is obliged to attempt to wipe off foreign matter off a womans breast no matter how small. Sports When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline. Communication When talking on the phone or in person to another man about sports, it is inpermissible to put the other man on hold for a call from a girlfriend, wife, or for any other matter, other than an exceptional business opportunity, in which case the other man will understand, provide you cut him in. Conflict Resolution In the event that two men disagree, the following are appropriate conflict resolution methods: *Arm wrestling **Thumb wrestling is not an acceptable alternative, since this requires prolonged hand-to-hand contact. *FPS or sports video games *Rock / Paper / Scissors *Bare knuckle boxing *Beer-pong tournament The loser may call "best 2 out of 3", but afterwards the decision is final. Facebook/MySpace Facebook is to a social life as masturbation is to sex. Stop poking your "butt-buddies" and get a life. High Fives If two men are to high five each other and their hands miss, it is not permissible to attempt another high five. That would be comparable to holding hands. Said high five must be played off like they never happened. Man Hugs (Mugs) *Are to be done only with one arm *Each other's face should not come within an inch and a half of each other *Violently pat on back, but never exceed three pats *Nearly break the other guy's rib cage *Men do not linger *NOT TO BE DONE FREQUENTLY Man Touch If man A touches man B in the crotch or buttocks, whether accidental or on purpose, man B is required to punch man A in the face. Nut Check In cases of extreme disregard for the man code, the nut check shall be delivered to the offending man. The nut check is defined as a swift, backhanded shot to the crotch without warning. Physique Comments A man is to not comment on another mans physique of any kind, unless in the name of humor. Smiley At no time during a conversation with a buddy on instant messenger shall either man send smiley faces to the other. This is simply too gay and it makes you look like a chick. Friends and Relationships Bros before hos. Girl "Dibs" Guideline If a man expresses interest in a woman to his friends, he has dibs, or exclusive rights to her. Prerequisites For said guy to call dibs: *Said woman must know his name. *Said woman be in his league. Expiration Dibs are automatically broken if: *Said woman shoots him down. *A period of two weeks has passed without success. Dibs cannot be called again by said man on said woman. At this point said friends have every right to call dibs on said woman. AKA This is also known as calling squirrel. They keyword squirrel is used so that the hunted female does not realize she has been targeted. Should another man target another man's squirrel, this is known as scamming on someone's squirrel. No man shall scam on another man's squirrel. Wingman A man is obligated to provide wingman services to guys who are good friends. The wingman's mission is to help the friend get hooked-up. A wingman is not allowed to discuss the mission, especially if it was a failure. Discussing a secret mission may result in forfeit of future wingman reciprocation and demotion of friend status. Miscellaneous Relationship Rules *No man is allowed to make fun of or negatively coment on any other man's hookup, girlfriend, FwB, ect., unless he has previously been involved in some sort of relationship with her, thus insulting himself in the process *If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you intend to marry her. Dating is allowed IF and ONLY IF she is older than your friend, and is rated a 7 (on a scale of 1-10) by at least 3 other friends. In addition it is pre-requisite to have the "talk" with said friend and gain approval before pursuing the sister. *Men do NOT give relationship advice to other men unless requested. Venting about a woman does NOT imply a request for relationship advice. *Do not be a c*ck block. Any attempts to foil another man's potential hook-up, if that girl is not a full-blood sister, is completely unacceptable. Even if said man is your enemy or this blocking is done in the pursuit of humor, it is totally uncool. It is encouraged that the blocker is to be beaten severely and/or referred to as princess for respective periods of time. Honorary Manhood Men do not recognize female friends. There are male friends and potential dates; that's it. Having said that, there are certain woman that have earned a place among men. Qualifications A woman qualifies for honorary manhood if she displays 2 out of 3 of the following:*She is as competent as the guys at burping and farting. *She consistently beats the guys at any man game. *She engages in man talk fluently and often. Implications Honorary manhood has the following implications:*All rights and responsibilities of the Man Code apply as if she were a man. *Men don't flirt with other men, not even honorary ones. Initiation Honorary Manhood Initiation Methods:*The woman being nominated for honorary manhood ("the nominee") can only be nominated by a real man ("the nominator"). *The nominee must participate in a drinking night in which she goes drink-for-drink with said nominator. *The nominee must not hesitate, complain or pass out during said drinking. **Puking is okay, as long as the nominee continues to drink thereafter, or immediately goes for a kebab. *The nominee must defeat at least one real man at a Male-ratified and refereed drinking game. *If the nominator should decree the nominee to be worthy of the title of Honorary Manhood, he must ipso facto perform an unexpected, no-holds-barred, man-brawl headbutt to the nominee. *If the nominee is able to receive said headbutt without falling to the floor, losing conciousness, crying, or displaying any other hints of weakness, her induction will be considered and decided upon by the presiding males. *If the nominee returns said headbutt to her nominator in a manner which causes any presiding members to flinch, her induction is immediate and automatic. *Alternatively, a no-holds barred wrestling match may be held between nominator and nominee, winner decided by knock-out or submission. *Alcohol must be involved. Sex The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken, monkey sex, the feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.